“I am depression, I am misery, I am despair.”
What is 22 Scars?
“I don’t know if she really understands how deep my depression is, but she listens to me like no one else does.”
It took me years to write 22 Scars.
It’s a story of depression. It’s a story of life, and trauma, and all the terrible things that exist in the world. You could call it fiction, but really it’s based in the truth of those who bear the scars - emotional and physical - of mental illness, as I have for over twenty years. It’s a story that tries to shed light on the invisible suffering of so many young people, and the silence with which they’re met.
It took me years to write 22 Scars because it took me years to understand my depression. To come to terms with the fact that sometimes, it doesn’t go away. To realize that it can be a part of your identity as a human being, and most importantly: that that’s okay.
Simply put, 22 Scars is the story of myself through the eyes of the people that surrounded me when I was young. It’s the story of growing up with trauma and depression, and the impact it can have on those you love.
And despite the darkness, it’s also a story of hope - the hope that others might be able to understand the suffering of depression, and find the courage to talk about it with those they love.
A Note On Depression
Depression is at once intuitive and impossible to grasp. For those who’ve never experienced it, it’s almost impossible to understand how it can consume your life, clouding your judgement and even your physical sight, until you know with all your heart that the world is an awful place and has no place in it for you. And for those who know depression, it can be just as utterly impossible to imagine life without it.
Depression is an illness. It can be like a cold, and pass in time, or it can be like diabetes, and last your entire life. But unlike a burst appendix or ruptured spleen, there is no surgery that can cure it. And unlike a broken leg, it affects the mind to the point where your very decisions are influenced by how your brain is thinking.
But here’s the important part: for those who a depressed, it isn’t your fault, and you aren’t alone. There are people in the world who think like you do, and believe what you do. And those people will love you, because they know how it hurts.
And for those who aren’t depressed, we aren’t crying for attention, and we can’t always accept your help. Instead, tell us it’s okay. You can listen to us, but you don’t have to have answers. You can hold us, and not have to say a word. It means a lot.
If you’re reading this, or if you’ve read 22 Scars, know that I know. I know you, and I know what it’s like.
You aren’t alone.
